Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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