Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
