....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
