It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
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I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
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That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize