all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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