if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
