Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
