in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
