I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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