I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You took a bar mat shot.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
