i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
