Cold hands, warm shart.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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