So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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