Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
