why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
