She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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