Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
