ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
