Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
