11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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