I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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