then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
