i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
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It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
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The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it