I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Hippo gnu deer
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home