I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The 17 Absolute Worst Divorces Imaginable
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs