We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.