I accidentally had phone sex last night
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.