it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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