next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
