after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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