god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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