He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
