We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
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Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
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They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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