In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
