So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
