yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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