She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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