omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
