I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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