And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
