Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize