I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
