I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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