Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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