Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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