You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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