ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
