I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Someone came in the potted fern
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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