You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
