I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
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Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
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i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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