I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
