sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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