Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
