I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He passed out mid-signature
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
