Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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