Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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