Will you blow on my dice?
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
