Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
