We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
