is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
