did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
