Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I touched a dick in church today
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