Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
