i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
