He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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