I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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