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Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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