If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
