When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
