Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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