I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
