btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
