Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
