I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
