when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
