My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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