i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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