I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
