I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's shark week go big or go home
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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