she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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