i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
